5 Ways to Not Wreck Everything

I’m quite a feisty gal. And like many others, I like to think I’m right about most things most of the time (cough, cough). This is a harsh combination when joining a new team as an adult, and I wouldn’t wish me on any team leader! While some of the things I’m experiencing here are more relevant to other people working in a new culture, some of the lessons I’m learning would help anyone heading into a new season anywhere, so I thought I’d share some of what I’ve learned.

During the process of preparing to come to Budapest, and over these first few months here, I’ve noticed a tendency to be critical. It’s a tricky one because there is something good to be said for having fresh eyes when looking at processes and outcomes. But it can also sometimes be naivety and pride. So how do we weigh the good in seeing things with a fresh perspective, along with the downside of perhaps not seeing the bigger picture just yet?

1. Trust the experience of the team already there.

For some people, this will be easier than for others. Some people have learned just to lean on the experience of others and learn from them just exactly how to avoid potholes. My sister is one of those people. My sister listened to our parents when they told her not to do a thing. However, I am not one of those people, and I went headfirst straight into it all the mess, in order to make my own judgment calls. The good thing about my particular story is I did find out it wasn’t worth it, my parents were right all along, and they were close enough to help me back out of the mess. But if I were to do the same thing today, in this new situation, with my husband and my daughter in tow, the consequences would be far greater and the cost too high. So my first piece of advice to anyone who has just moved into a new place, a new job, or a new country, is to trust the people who have gone ahead of you.

Our generation especially has this idea that we know the right way a thing should be done, regardless of how the people before us have done it. I mean, the world is different now right? And we are people of this new world, and so we know best how it should work. Right? Well, no.

I’m guessing, many generations have thought they were better than the generation before, there’s nothing new about that. The difference is that previous generations stood on the shoulders of the generations before them in order to see further. Nowadays, however, in our pride, we refuse to even acknowledge some of the experience and heritage that we have inherited and we decide to find our own way to move forward. Well, I’m going to call it and say that’s not the best, and definitely not the only way to do things. Take a page out of the many generations before and trust the experience of the people who have gone before.

2. For the first year, don’t offer any unsought advice or critical feedback to the team you have just joined.

This is, hands-down, the absolute best piece of advice I was ever given (thanks Alison). Firstly, you’ve just experienced something that can actually be considered traumatic in some way. You’ve left everything and everyone that is comfortable, and moved across to the other side of the world. You may feel as though you are logical and sane, but in hindsight, you will see huge emotional highs and lows. Do not, I repeat, do not use this first 12 months as a time to give critical feedback to the leadership and other team members about how things should be done.

You are probably noticing some really good things, and instinct can be a really valuable thing, but it’s being emotionally muddied by the new and stressful environment you find yourself in. Even if you do have some good points, you may not know people well enough at this point to present these points in a way that will be heard well. So keep it to yourself, for now.

3. Journal, journal, journal.

This goes hand in hand with the previous point. I want to reiterate that there is great value in how a new person on a team sees things. There is some gold in there. One of the ways to separate the gold out from the mud is by writing everything down and processing it all. Write down every instinct, every worry, every change you would make, everything you love about the team. Write it all down. And give it a year. When that year is up, if you feel the same way, you will be in a better space to bring it up. You’ll know the team better, you’ll understand the leadership more, and you’ll understand your place in it all just a tiny bit better.

When I first arrived here, I felt a great deal about a lot of things, but I didn’t know who was better to talk to about which things, and what things to just leave. So I wrote it all down. And I’m finding that even now as we come up to six months on the field, I feel differently about most of the things I wrote down. In a year, if there are still important things in that journal that I think are worth talking about, I’ll be in a far better headspace and my words may be taken in a better way. So I would encourage you to journal.

4. Tune into the voice of God.

The thing about missions is that most of us are here as volunteers, funded by friends and family back home. Some of these friends and family might have an idea of what we could or should be doing. Every team member we are working with has ideas of what they would like to accomplish and how missions should be done. Even we ourselves have a vision of what we would like to accomplish and how missions is best done.

The part that causes tension is that all these opinions and ideas are different. I’m always going to see things from my own point of view, and I’m going to see them in and from my cultural context. And I’ve chosen to come here where Hungarians have their opinions and centuries of their own context. And on top of that, I’m working in a predominantly American team, who have come here from their context!

There’s only one thing we all have in common, and that is we follow the same God, we listen to the same still, small voice. Only God is big enough to see and honor everyone’s different nuances, He is the only one able to see the story from the beginning right through to the end. I trust that, and I trust Him. So tuning into His voice above all else will be the best way I can work with all of those that are now part of my own story.

I would encourage you with whatever you’re facing, whether or not you are working in a place where everyone believes in the same God, He can see the whole picture, and he understands you so much more than anyone else ever will. Take it all to him and tune into that still, small voice.

5. Lastly, be quick to apologize and fix messes.

Inevitably, we’re all going to say things we regret in this stressful time. I already have. So my last piece of advice is to be quick to sort it out and make it right. One of the good things about being new is that my new friends are still learning about me, so if I’m quick to put things right, I’m not letting things settle into hard grooves that take years to sand out.

Do what you can to stay at peace with the team around you. Be a blessing to them, and when something comes up in a year that does need to be addressed, you will have earned the respect of your team and earned some of your own credit.

I hope these are helpful tips! I always love to hear from you, so if you have anything to add or any stories, I’d love to hear from you! And lastly, if you’re on my new team and reading this, thanks for being so graceful, and so accomodating. I’m sure to make mistakes, but I’m so proud to be making them alongside a bunch of really great people who are so, so forgiving.

Heartfelt thanks.