Splish Splash My Opinion Is Trash

My kid is pretty cool. She’s five years old and so sure of herself that sometimes it’s uncomfortable. She has these ideas that pop into her head, either through tv, watching other kids, or just completely made up in her own imagination, and once it’s there, it’s set until I can wrench it out with a big fat no and some firm decisiveness. For instance, last week she was completely sold on the idea of chocolate and Fanta for dinner every night. She could talk til the cows come home, but that’s not going to happen.

And why not? Well, because I have a better view of how that will affect our present and future.

The best and most rewarding part of raising a child is that spark in their eyes that lights up when learning suddenly clicks in place. It’s quite different from the painfully slow understanding that would dawn if I did let her have all the chocolate and Fanta she wanted every night for a month. So how, as adults, do we achieve those same small moments of awakening without walking the wrong path for far too long? Well first of all, we have to admit that most of the time we do not see the whole picture. We can only do the best we can with the information currently at hand.

One of the ways we can achieve this is by taking the opinions of others, especially differing opinions, and weighing them carefully before discarding them. There is no ability to grow if there is no willingness to be wrong about a thing. We often mistakenly think that as adults that the only learning we will do is by replacing ‘empty brain space’ with ‘new knowledge’ when really most adult learning is replacing ‘flawed understanding’ with ‘new understanding’. We’re not able to grow as a person if we’re not willing to be wrong about a thing.

Another way I think we can have sparks of new understanding is by maintaining flexibility. Imagine you are on a motorway following a GPS that is leading you where you need to go. Now imagine that the GPS picks up that there is a crash ahead, or that the road is simply not there anymore and it offers a redirection. The longer you take to move from the original course to the new course could result in literal hours added to your travel time. Being able to adjust often and quickly, while painful at times, could prevent massive detours, and cause less pain in the long run. Unfortunately, as human beings, we have the ability to ignore all the signs and show up at the end of the road and still be able to blame the GPS or the government, when really, being flexible could have prevented the pain and discomfort now being experienced.

One last point I can offer is the ability to self-critique. Do we lean into the discomfort of taking the very ideas we hold truest as perhaps being wrong? These moments can be incredibly painful, but create deep and meaningful pivot points of profound change. An important part of this is the ability to move into these moments and then retreat when necessary, otherwise, it can be too big to carry. I like to treat my beliefs and convictions like valuable artifacts sitting on the shelf of my mind. Sometimes I have the energy and peace of mind to be able to pull one of those artifacts down off the shelf, hold it in my hands, and take time to look at it. I like to gauge its value and the true cost. There’s nothing painful about finding out that it was actually junk and being able to replace it with something a little more costly. That’s growth. That’s truth. And something closer to ultimate truth is worth any cost.

My 5-year-old will learn that unlimited Fanta and chocolate for dinner is not a good idea. She’s either going to learn by taking my word for it, or she will painfully learn by pushing that boundary herself. Either way, she will learn. And I’m sure that as adults that still happens to each of us.

So yes, my current opinion is probably trash, but I’m hoping that each day it is getting just a little less trashy and a little more deserving of it’s place on the shelf of my mind.