Springtime

Sometimes the going is good, like the sun is up in the blue sky, and there’s a smell of spring in the air.

Some mornings the coffee smell is wafting through the bedroom door and you have the right motivation to just get up and get going.

The last few weeks have held a little of that for me, even if I am peeking around the corner, nervous that something scary might jump out.

God has been good to us, and faithful, and merciful. And the sun is high in the bright, blue sky. It’s springtime.

I’m not usually one to notice positive emotions, because I usually sit medium to high anyway. But this time I truly felt it, I noticed it. I noticed the gratitude building up in my heart and its need for expression. It wasn’t a particularly special day, but our journey of getting back to the mission field had started to move in a positive direction and I was beginning to feel the momentum building in a positive direction.

I had just dropped both Minna and Glyn off at their respective places of work, and I was heading into town for a coffee and work morning. Driving through the beautiful New Zealand countryside, the gratitude that I felt for my life and my situation just bubbled up inside me until I had to express it. Prayers of gratitude and thankfulness and joy at the mercy and grace of God. The fact that he keeps gently moving us forward, despite our fears and anxieties, despite our weaknesses and failures, and that he chooses us again and again - overwhelming.

He keeps bringing good people around us. The laughs and the walks and the coffees. They’ve all been like a balm to this weary soul of mine. I had balm where I was, but boy was I worn out. The gift of friendship here, even here after four years away, what a delight.

God continues to gift us with good things, even when we’ve been too rough with our toys, throwing them and chipping them, or even breaking them, in our boisterous, naive energy.

Remember that first time your mum gave you $20 and trusted you to do a small job? She asked you to get to the shop, buy what it is she needed, and come back with the proper item and correct change. It was the ultimate test, but also a precious gift of trust. What trust our mums had that first time, hoping that we can do it right, willing us to puff our chests up with confidence at the accomplishment. What a gift!

And what mercy has to be shown when something goes amiss.

One time I went away with Dad’s new bag, collected a rather full bag of expensive library books, and then left it at the door of the local dairy as I went in for snacks. Halfway through my return trip home, when I finally realised my heavy baggage had been left behind and went rushing back, it was already too late. Later, a friend of mine found a soggy bag and a number of books in the local pond just down the road. The shame I felt coming back home without that bag, knowing that I had let some people down.

It’s an extraordinarily special gift when mum asks you to do it again, a little more rounded out. A slightly heavier weight, but not too heavy, because the trust is equally double. She checks that you have the right amount, that you have a safe place for the change, and a good routine. “Don’t get distracted by treats.” “Don’t stop for any reason and leave the bag anywhere.” And then she sends you off again, hoping - as much as you - that you will do better this time.

What a beautiful reminder that God is our good father and that he desires for us to have good things, like confidence and trust. He desires our good, and works all things out for good, even the crappy things. He sends us back into the world with more money and a slightly more thought-out routine.

I remember that feeling of being a child and standing in front of the three wire bridge at summer camp. You remember those? Those wobbly three wires, usually reaching out across a muddy swamp for wow factor, challenging whoever stands before it to cross with their dignity still fully intact by the end. Two wires for the arms, one for the legs. You need a good amount of both confidence and balance, and if you step forward lacking one, you will most surely be rewarded with a jerky swing back and forth with an untimely drop-off beckoning.

All I needed was someone to say I could do it and off I went.

All I needed this time was for someone to say we could do it and off we would go.

And he did, he’s doing it again. God is giving us the $20 and waving us off to the shop, gifting us another round of trust. It seems as if our job is to step into it confidently and with better balance.

What a privilege and a joy. And the sun is high in the bright, blue sky. It’s springtime.