The Comparison Trap

Minna and I exploring the Asian supermarket in Rákóczi Square, Budapest.

My first month or so in Budapest has been a veritable feast for the soul, if you count hunting, gathering, cooking and preparing, hosting, and exploring. Remember that story of the Tower of Babel? It really had a plus side in creating cultures and languages that we have to slow down and learn.

But how does one even start to explain the crazy feelings of leaving home and everything known and setting off overseas to a completely foreign way of life? It’s too big a summary for my brain to put into tidy words. Maybe in the following months/years, I’ll find the words to adequately describe how this has felt. But for now, let me draw out the one thing I can process.

Yesterday I was walking down the street to catch the tram and I found myself looking up at the buildings around me. I do it every walk, even though I know it gives me away as the new kid in town, but I haven’t seen anything like these buildings my entire life. It’s still magical for me, so I look up. Even catching a tram holds excitement for me, because these haven’t been a part of my life before and they’re new and exciting.

Everywhere I go I’m seeing new things and my brain is processing them in an instant. How it seems to process them is by stacking them up against what I’ve already experienced, and comparing them to the old, familiar sights and activities. I even see my 4-year-old daughter Minna doing it in her drawing. She’s gone from drawing the traditional 1-door-2-windows houses to drawing homes with 5 stories and lots of windows. It’s fascinating to notice the different ways it shows itself.

But it’s something I have to watch carefully. I’m having to learn to hold the two experiences in separate hands. What does that even mean, you might ask? Well, it’s easy to get stuck in the comparison trap of ‘Familiar versus New’.

Familiar can sometimes be unwittingly labeled as ‘correct’ and everything else that is strange and new can be accidentally labeled as ‘wrong’. It’s a small but significant realization that seems to hold the key to settling in smoothly versus settling in with a rather bumpy landing.

It’s as simple as how we do our supermarket shopping. In New Zealand, certain things are found in a supermarket that in Budapest can only be found in a Drug Store, or pharmacy. I find myself wandering through the pharmacy aisle thinking to myself, ‘Wouldn’t it be easier if this was all in the supermarket, instead of having to go to different places?’ Or when I spot hard liquor on the shelf at the supermarket I catch myself thinking, “Ooh that’s so bad, having hard liquor so accessible and so easily seen by children. It should definitely have its own shop.” Isn’t it interesting how I make two separate conclusions based on how it was done at home!

But if I catch myself before that subconsciously settles in, I find that New Zealand doesn’t have dibs on ‘the best way of doing life’. We didn’t find some secret sauce that the rest of the world missed out on. We’re just doing it one way, and other people are doing it differently. If I can take the time to understand why it works a certain way here in Budapest, and if I can be open to seeing the good in it, perhaps I will settle in more wholesomely.

Hungary has many beautiful ways of viewing the world. I’m coming to the conclusion that a valuable part of my journey is finding those things and learning to understand them, rather than forcing the people here to understand my way.

Maybe, when God came down and changed the languages at Babel, he was forcing them to see that he is not where we think he is. Perhaps, instead of reaching for the heavens, we should be searching for him in the different cultures that are now spread out across the world. I for one think he’s rummaging around the tasty Ramen noodles in District 8.