We actually have more to learn and less to offer than we think, and the sooner we learn that the more useful we can be.

Well, this month has been a whirlwind and I’m in need of a fairytale ending, preferably not Grimms.

As I’ve consistently said, this past year I’ve found myself in some of the darkest, coldest places internally; it’s been a real challenge at times. But even when I find myself in that cold place, I have still felt the warmth of the sun on the back of my neck.

Never in my wildest imaginations could I have dreamed up what this year held for both me and my family.

Making sense of the world around us is sometimes a dizzyingly overwhelming task. I for one rely upon intuition a lot. But what happens when feelings lead us up the garden path?

So how, as adults, do we achieve small moments of awakening without walking the wrong path for far too long? Well, first of all, we have to admit that most of the time we do not see the whole picture.

I come bowling in with my unadjusted eyes, squinting in the dark, and then writing about it for everyone to read. Bit of a cocky move really.

Some of us are blessed with the ability to hunt out the ugly parts of ourselves, name it, and agonisingly carve it out. Some of us aren’t.

These people might feel like they’re caring for one small team, but their care and preparation are undoubtedly having a wider effect that we may never see or comprehend.

Do you know what’s worse than looking demons in the eye? Looking at the darkness and realizing that it’s just my own fallen state. That’s a tough one to come back from.

The thrill that I felt when I was finally walking off of the plane into Budapest was crazy high. The work that we had done for 3 years had led us to this moment, and it gave me the ultimate sense of achievement.

I’m sure this isn’t going to be a new and strange story for you. It’s a fairly common struggle for western women these days.

It’s one thing having to lie in the bed we made, but every morning Minna comes bounding out of her room toward ours for a quick snuggle in that bed, literally and figuratively.

If I can take the time to understand why things work a certain way here in Budapest, and if I can be open to seeing the good in it, perhaps I will settle in more wholesomely.

Not gonna lie it’s been hard. Which serves me right, because I was warned multiple times not to underestimate how difficult it was going to be.

Somehow, we Christians have fewer gods than the Hindus but more ways of dividing ourselves as followers. Typical.

Unsettling is hard. But I promise you it will be the best thing you ever do.

Sometimes, when I’m sharing my story of how God is calling me to overseas missions, some of my friends start to feel ‘lesser-than’ or beneath me because they still have regular vocations, and that’s simply not true.

We can be guilty of letting honour and opinion become more important than the actual truth of the calling.

Maybe distraction is the modern-day good person’s crack cocaine.